Picture by Ian deng
In last week’s blog I shared how I returned to a hotel to
retrieve some missing shoes only to eventually find those shoes were already in
my car. When I chose to believe this
wasn’t a big deal, that it was not a reason to get upset, I got to feel love
and peace, something that would not have been available to me if I was angry.
It seems kind of obvious in situations that don’t include
the heartstrings of a mother. But what
if the same thing applied even when your teenage son stops going to church,
doesn’t serve a mission, or even moves in with his girlfriend?
It does apply.
What you’re thinking about your problem with your son really
is up to you (and that’s actually good news!).
Since your thoughts cause you to feel a certain way, ask yourself, “How
do I want to feel about this?”
Let’s say your son moves in with his girlfriend. You don’t approve of this decision, and in
fact, you’ve taught him much differently, but he’s moved in with her
anyway. Your initial reaction may be one
of heartbreak, anger, disappointment, or even indifference. But my question for you is ~ How do you want to feel about this?
I’m not suggesting you should feel delighted or even OK with
it (although you certainly can if you’d like).
The truth is ~ there’s no “right” answer to how you want to feel about
this. You get to decide.
As you think about how you want to feel, you might
also consider how you want to behave in this particular situation. No matter what’s going on for me, I act
differently if I’m curious rather than enraged, if I feel hope rather than
despair. And I’ve found that, especially
in parenting my teens, how I behave certainly makes a difference in the situation.
So, how do you want to feel about this problem?
What feeling will help you to show up in this problem from a
place of wisdom and peace?
Answers to your problems and creativity in finding solutions
come so much easier when you are calm and curious. Is what you’re doing now serving you and
helping the problem? Is there something
you could think or feel that wouldn’t cause you to act from a negative space?
Different thoughts and feelings will always cause you to act
differently. Even in your
situation. Even when you can’t control other
people.
