Are you defensive?

I’ve been thinking a lot about “defensiveness” lately.  My pondering was first sparked by a conversation with a friend a few months ago.  This conversation got me to wondering just what defensiveness is all about.  So, I’ve become a “watcher” of sorts.  Life gives me lots of opportunities to see “defensiveness” in action ~ both in my own life and in the lives of others.  Here are some of the things I’ve observed:

When I’m defensive it usually masks the fear I feel, fear that maybe I’m wrong, fear that I’m not good enough, sometimes even fear that I’m not accepted.

Sometimes I use my defensiveness as a means to avoid taking a look at myself and instead blame the other person because he or she doesn’t see things like me.

I have even noticed my defensiveness is sometimes just a habit.  It seems I often assume others think I’m way off base so I lead with defensiveness as a protection.

Recently I sat in a meeting where there was much discussion about how we can ensure our boys are prepared to serve missions.  I felt myself becoming defensive.  But I chose not to stay there.  I let go of the fear, let go of my own preconceived judgments of others, and instead added my own thoughts and perspectives from a place of love.  What a difference it made!

How does defensiveness make you act?  It might be interesting to take a step back and see.