Stop beating yourself up

“It’s all my fault.”

“If I was a better mom my son wouldn’t be struggling right now.”

As valid or real as these statements can seem, especially when it feels like everything is going wrong ~ they really aren’t helpful.

After spending decades beating myself up, believing I was the cause of all of my family’s problems, I told a friend recently that in many ways the last year has been one of the best of my life even though if I looked back at the specific things that have happened it’s actually been one of the hardest years of my life.

It surprised even me when I said it has been one of the best years of my life. Be really ~ how could this even be possible when so many things went “wrong”?

The reason this has been one of the best years is because after way too long of beating myself up for being an imperfect mom, I decided to stop.  And I did.

I feel lighter just thinking about the difference between the old me and the new me.

I feel more true to myself than I ever have in my life.

I even feel like I’m truly the best mom for each one of my boys.

How would your experience in your life be different if you stopped beating yourself up?  Would there be more curiosity and less judgment?  Would there be more acceptance and less denial?  Would you be able to see that your family is just as it’s supposed to be right now and feel OK about it?

Beating yourself up can seem, in an odd way, so natural and even comfortable.  But just because it’s a habit doesn’t mean it’s a good one.  In reality, the only thing it really accomplishes is keeping the real you from showing up.

It’s time.  Time to take the gloves off.  Time to stop the insanity.  Time to live your best life.

And I promise... this is possible ~ even for you!  If you want to stop beating yourself up but aren’t quite sure how to take a step in that direction, consider scheduling a free mini-session now.  I’ll show you the first step in this process and even if you don’t want to work with me beyond the mini-session, this step can make a huge difference in your life.  Take those gloves off and start finding peace in your parenting now!

But shouldn’t I feel bad about this?

Let’s be honest:  sometimes we torture ourselves because we believe we deserve it or that it’s the right thing to do.  I mean, shouldn’t I feel bad?  After all, my son isn’t serving a mission. 

Our church teaches that all young men should serve a mission. 

We talk about it from the time they are little.

I have a picture of him wearing his “future missionary” name tag.

He saved nickels and dimes since he was little (and $10’s and $20’s later on).

We’ve sung, “I Hope They Call Me on a Mission” more times than I can count.

He memorized all the Articles of Faith.

He knows the principles of the gospel.

We studied Preach My Gospel.

How can I possibly feel OK about his choice not to serve?  Does it make me a hypocrite if I feel at peace since I purposely taught him a different way?  If I truly accept his choice, what does that say about my own testimony?

All of these memories and questions swarming around in my mind reinforced the idea that I should feel like a failure as a Mormon mom because my son isn’t serving a mission… until I remembered that my Heavenly Father doesn’t want me to stay in a place of despair and disappointment; He is a God of hope and love (and it’s the adversary that wants me to stay mired in sorrow and grief).

If you’d like to find your way out of the negative feelings you have because your son isn’t serving a mission, contact me now at kelly@findpeaceinparenting.com and we’ll set up a free 20-30 minutes mini-session to see if you would benefit from my “Find Peace in Parenting” coaching program.