What would you do differently if…

What would I do differently if I knew nobody would judge me?  An interesting question.  A question I pondered for a while before I was ready to be honest with myself.

It seemed my mind first had to go to all the judgment (whether perceived or real) that I felt heaped upon me because my son wasn’t serving a mission:  I did something wrong, that this was really my failure; my son was bad and hopefully it wouldn’t rub off on anyone else; he must not believe in God; I must not have been diligent enough with family home evening and family scriptures.  I could go on, but I’m sure you get the idea (and can even insert judgments you feel are cast your way ~ perceived or real ~ to round out the list).

These judgments made me show up apologetically and as though I was inferior to others.  It was exhausting ~ and that’s when this question began to intrigue me:  What would I do differently if I knew nobody would judge me?

My answer:  love my son unconditionally, keep being a fully-engaged mom, and stop apologizing.  But mostly I would just love him.

What would YOU do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?

Comment below ~ I'd love to know!

“Thou Shalt Not Covet”

The final commandment found in Exodus says, “Thou shalt not covet.”  The scriptures teach us to not covet our neighbor’s home, spouse, servants, animals, or anything “that is thy neighbour’s” (see Exodus 20:17).  Modern-day church leaders have counseled us against coveting our neighbor’s car, profession, status, etc.  This commandment has never been too hard for me to keep until… my son’s friends started giving their missionary farewell talks at church.  That’s when I found myself sitting in sacrament meetings, coveting the “missionary mom” experience I was missing out on.

I wished my son had gathered all of those who know and love him to reveal where in the world he was headed to serve the Lord on a full-time mission.  I wished my son had spent extra time in the scriptures and in the temple, preparing himself spiritually to go preach the gospel.  I wished I could be listening to my son teach from the pulpit with wisdom beyond his years.  Don’t get me wrong; I was happy for my friends whose sons were serving missions, grateful even.  But those sacrament meetings usually led me to spend a lot of time over the next few days (and sometimes longer) wishing I could have that experience with my son, too, and believing that I had somehow messed up and that’s why it wasn’t happening.

Fast forward a couple years, and not too long ago we had three missionary farewells in one day ~ all friends of my two sons not serving missions (yep ~ I now have two sons not serving missions).  There was a time when I would’ve found an excuse to not attend because it would’ve hurt too much.  Instead, I eagerly anticipated the day and even talked my youngest son (not serving) into going with me ~ not with hopes that it would change his mind, but rather so he could celebrate this time with his friends and see them one more time before they left.

What changed in me so that I no longer coveted the missionary experiences I always planned to have?  How did I get to the place in my heart where I can truly rejoice with my friends who do get this missionary experience?  I have learned that while there are certainly things out of my control, only I get to choose whether or not I’m going to stay sad or bitter or covetous.  If you’re ready to let go of the disappointment and despair ~ I mean really let go of it ~ I can show you how (and I promise it’s not about white-knuckling your way to it or pretending on the outside).  Schedule a FREE mini-session now and we can see if my coaching program is a good fit for you!

What exactly is love?

When we hear the word LOVE we often envision hearts and warm embraces, but we know it’s so much more than that.  As moms, love can look like cleaning up vomit; playing Pokémon because your child loves it; or, even saying “no,” knowing your son will be upset but doing it anyway because the Spirit said that was the right answer for this situation.  When you love someone, what exactly does that mean to you?

Does it mean candy on Christmas morning?

Does it mean you know what’s best for them?

Does it mean hugs and kisses?

Does it mean you give them whatever they want?

Does it mean your relationship with that person should be full of rainbows and daisies?

Does it mean they should see things like you do?  Or perhaps, you should agree with them?

Does it mean you can read each other’s minds?

Does it mean monthly mother/son dates?

Does it mean there’s room for forgiveness?

Does it mean, in the end, you’ll both be OK?

Sometimes loving relationships can be complicated.  When you love someone, what exactly does that mean to you?  If this question brings up mixed emotions for you since you found out your son isn’t going to serve a mission (whether you found out yesterday or years ago), contact me now at kelly@findpeaceinparenting.com.  We’ll set up a free mini-session where I can help you begin to sort through your emotions so you can have peace.