Beyond the headline, Part 2

When people find out I’m a life coach and that I specifically work with Latter-Day Saint moms whose son didn’t serve a mission, they wonder “Why?”

Here’s my why:  During my Life Coach School training we are directed to choose a very specific niche.  As I contemplated the possibilities my heart and mind reflected back to the loneliness, discouragement, and uncertainty I felt when my son told us he wasn’t going to serve the mission we always imagined he would.  I waded through those feelings alone, and while I eventually got to a good place inside my head, and knew the relationship between me and my son would be fine, getting to a place of confidence when talking to fellow church members about it took longer.  As I was trained in the life coach tools I now use, I knew these were the people I wanted to help and that these tools could be beneficial to so many.

Yet, I also understand the culture of the church.  I understand that even in an environment where we teach that agency is part ~ an integral part ~ of Heavenly Father’s plan, fear rises amongst the group quickly when someone, especially a youth, deviates from what we’ve spent years teaching them and planning for them to do.  So even though I knew I couldn’t possibly be the only Latter-Day Saint mom in this situation, I felt very alone.

You are not alone.  And more importantly, you can be more connected to your son, closer to him than if he did serve a mission, AND you can feel more confident as a Latter-Day Saint mom whose son is not serving a mission ~ at church, with your Latter-Day Saint friends, everywhere.

If you’d like to consider giving yourself these gifts, or if you simply need to unload where you’re at with all of this right now, email me at kelly@findpeaceinparenting.com ~ I understand at least part of what you’re going through, and I’d love to chat with you!

Beyond the headline, Part 1

In this day-and-age, where there’s an abundance of information and a seemingly shortage on attention spans, the advice seems to be “shorter is better.”  But just for today, just for this blog, I’m going to throw caution to the wind so I can tell you about my story (Part 2 ~ my next blog ~ will be why I work with Latter-Day Saint women whose sons didn’t serve a mission; be sure to check it out tomorrow!)

My husband and I were foster parents for a while.  As that adventure came to an end I knew I still wanted to add value to the world, to do something meaningful, something that would truly make a difference.  I felt “the call” to become a life coach so I did my research, decided which path to take, and signed up for The Life Coach School training.

There was a few months between the time I signed up and the actual training.  I had planned to use that time to prepare (there were books to read, podcasts to listen to, etc.) but life got in the way and I arrived in California feeling behind but I also arrived with a surety that I was embarking on a life-changing endeavor.  Of course, I thought the lives that would be changed were those of my future clients.  Little did I know what awaited me.

Throughout our intensive, 6-day training we were taught the tools of our trade and also spent a lot of time coaching others and being coached.  One of the foundational parts, what The Life Coach School teaches, is the importance of becoming aware of what it is we’re thinking.  This might seem a little strange.  It did to me at first.  Especially as someone who is much more of a thinker than a feeler, I thought I had a pretty good grasp of what was going on in my head.  But it turns out there was a lot more going on up there than I realized.

Over the next few days I began to notice a pattern in my unconscious thoughts, and on the final day it culminated into this realization ~ I truly believed that I was never enough.  I wasn’t enough as a wife, a mother, a daughter, or a sister.  I wasn’t enough as a mother-in-law, friend, or neighbor.  I wasn’t enough in my church calling or in the roles I played or positions I held in the community.  I truly believed (albeit, unconsciously) that I was never enough.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I let this sink in, this belief I had carried with me for so long, that no matter how hard I tried, my best would never be enough.  And this belief wasn’t coming from someone else, it was all me.  Sure, other people may think it about me ~ that’s really neither here nor there.  But the fact that I thought it about myself ~ that’s where the pain came from.

Up to this point I may not have recognized this firmly entrenched belief I carried with me but now I was aware, and now I had a choice to make:  keep believing it, or not.  I chose not.

Instead, I now know that I am enough.  It took me a while to get there, to really believe it, but I do and my life is so different now because I show up differently in all my relationships, in all my responsibilities, in all my interactions.

This is why I do what I do, why I became a life coach ~ to help other people become aware of thoughts and beliefs that are holding them back from living the life they really want to live, no matter their situation.  This new way of thinking and showing up in the world is a gift I gave myself and I plan to spread it far and wide for many, many years!

The difference ONE word can make

Just the other day I was talking with a young mother.  She was exhausted with all the things that come with taking care of a baby.  She asked me to reassure her it gets better, easier.  My reply, “We usually don’t like to burst the bubble of younger moms, but I’ll tell you this:  the physical exhaustion doesn’t last forever but it does get replaced with emotional exhaustion.”  At least that’s been my experience.

Those of us in the midst of parenting teenagers and young adults know all about the hardness of our charge to do all we can to teach them correct principles, and then hope and pray they use everything we’ve taught them to live a good life, contribute to their world, and continually strengthen their testimonies.  It’s hard to teach them everything we want them to know.  It’s hard to do this day in and day out, especially when there’s pushback.  It’s hard to know when to step aside and let them truly use their agency.

Yes, all of these things are hard but… what if we changed “hard” to “important”?  It’s important to teach them everything we want them to know.  It’s important to do this day in and day out, especially when there’s pushback.  It’s important to know when to step aside and let them truly use their agency.

That paradigm-shift changes how I show up as a parent.  How about you?  What one word would make a difference in your parenting?

Can you back your car into a garage?

When we moved into our home my husband wanted me to back my car into the garage (and it’s not even a straight shot!).  I told him I would if I could have the whole garage because I couldn’t guarantee I would always end up in the same spot!  And, I was right ~ for years my car was all over the garage, sometimes in the middle, but usually too close to one side or the other.

One day my husband watched me back up and noticed my frustration ~ that it took me so many “corrections” to get it right.  This is when he suggested I aim to have my driver’s side mirror aligned with a certain spot in the back of the garage.

I was doubtful it would help me, but what did I have to lose?  Nothing, really ~ so I gave it a try.  And do you know what?!  That little bit of guidance made all the difference!  Now when I park in the garage I do so with confidence and land in the center (almost always on the first try!).

Most of us don’t need major course corrections in our lives, just a little tweak here or there to help find peace or to live the life we desire even when those we love make choices we’d rather they didn’t.  The tools I teach in my life coaching aren’t some big secret, but rather they are the little tweaks or adjustments that can make all the difference.

Are you a Mormon mom whose son isn’t serving a mission and would love to have a different perspective on things?  Want to see what I have to offer?  All you have to do is schedule a FREE mini-session and I’ll show you.  (PS:  no hard selling or pushy tactics, I promise; if my program isn’t right for you, you’ll still leave the mini-session with some helpful insights on how you can feel better!)