Picture by Christian Stahl
Halfway through my husband’s naval career he headed back to
sea duty. Although we had done this
before, this time around we had three children so I knew it would be a very
different experience. I knew other Navy
wives who became bitter about how many days each year their spouse was
gone. The last thing I wanted was to
become bitter, too, so I made a conscious choice to: 1) not keep a running total of the days my
husband was out to sea; and, 2) to use the time we would have normally spent
together to become a better version of myself.
It’s so easy to get sucked into thinking that a hard
situation can only bring you misery or resentment or heartache, but that’s
simply not true. I couldn’t change the
ship’s schedule so my husband wouldn’t miss birthdays or would be there to help
take care of things when I was sick or just plain tired. I certainly couldn’t change the fact that our
country was attacked on September 11, 2001, by terrorists, which meant even
more separation for our family. The only
thing I had control over was what kind of person I was going to be throughout
and at the end of our “sea time.”
The same principle applies when you’re in the trenches of
parenting your teens and young adults.
Only you get to decide if each experience that comes your way because of
the choices your son is making will leave you with an overall feeling of
helplessness, hopelessness, or even bitterness.
But I guarantee it’s not the only choice.
Hope is possible.
Confidence is possible.
Even peace is possible.
Odds are these feelings of hope, confidence, and/or peace
won’t automatically appear when your son tells you he’s not going to serve a
mission or when he quits going to church altogether or whatever your son is
doing that makes you feel anxious or at least concerned about his spiritual
welfare. But the useful feelings are
still available to you.
If you felt hope, what would you do differently right
now? Perhaps you could see the lessons for
good being learned (by both you and your son).
If you felt confident, what would be different in your life
right now? Perhaps you would better know
when to speak up and when to be quiet.
If you felt peace in your heart right now, what would that
look like? Perhaps you would remember
that we are each on a journey to learn the things Heavenly Father needs us to
learn and your son’s journey is his to take and how lucky he is that you
are his mom.
